What is Sexual Orientation?

Sexual orientation is one aspect of a person's sexuality and a statement of what gender someone is attracted to. The three general orientations are hetereosexual (attraction to the opposite gender), also called straight; homosexual (attraction to one's own gender), also called gay; and bisexual (attraction to either gender), also called bi. This pamphlet is designed to answer a few key questions about some important details of sexual orientation.

Is it a choice?

There are, of course, exceptions to every rule, but generally speaking, no, sexual orientation is not a choice. No one gets to choose their hair or eye color, or their ethnic background, and likewise people do not choose their sexual orientation.

It should be noted, however, that sexual orientation is different from sexual activity. With the exception of rape, we all have a choice of whether or not we have sex and with whome we have it, should we choose to do so. Being attracted to someone is not something we can control, but what we do about it (i.e., having sex) is something we can.

Can I change it?

This is not as simple a question as the first one. For the most part, no. There have been incidents where someone's orientation changes with time, but these cases are very rare. Usually, when a gay person claims their sexual orientation has changed (by means of certain conditioning or intense psychotherapy), they are lying, in denial, or mentally or emotionally damaged in some way by the "therapy" they have been recieving. With almost all people, sexual orientation is a fixed thing. Most people that claim to be straight but then come out as gay were always gay, they just had a hard time realizing this for various reasons. There are some gay people that have "become straight" after a period of time, but again, they are very rare and it is a gradual change. For most people, sexual orientation is a fixed thing.

One final not on this: If it is possible for a gay person to "become straight," it is equally possible for a straight person to "become gay."

What causes sexual orientation?

Currently this is an unanswerable question. Experts and non-experts alike are divided on this issue and rather unsure. The two must common opinions are social and biological (often referred to as the nature versus nurture debate). Some believe that social environment at a young age, especially family life, affects one's orientation while others believe it is a genetic trait. A third group believes it is a combination of the two, or even something else altogether. Most professionals, though, believe that one's sexual orientation is fixed by about age three at the latest, if not sooner.

How can I be sure of my sexual orientation?

Many people will question some part of their sexuality at some point in their life, and usually the part questioned is sexual orientation and most often during the years between teenage and late twenties (though not always). If you are questioning your sexual orientation, the first thing to note is that only you can tell yourself the answer. If someone else tries to simply tell you, "You're gay" or "You're straight," they may be wrong. Here are a few things you should think about:

Which gender do I fantasize about more?

Am I more attracted to men or women?

If the gender you list is opposite yours, then you are probably straight. If it is the same as your own, you are probably gay. If you had a hard time deciding, you are probably bisexual.

"All of our lives we are in need, and others are in need of us."
-George Odell, We Need One Another